In order to love others, you must first learn to love yourself. Philautia is a love that can be bad or it can be good and it is dependent upon how one sees themselves. Let’s dive deeper into the seven days of love: philautia and talk about the good, the bad, and the beauty.
What is philautia really?
Plain and simple, philautia is love of self.
the bad
If one is self absorbed and narcissistic, this love takes on a toxic form. Self obsession and the focus on personal gain creates a person with an excessive need for adoration and a lack of empathy for others. The bad philautia can only end in loneliness and heartache.
the good
When you can look at yourself in the mirror and see someone looking back at you that has honor, is trustworthy, is kind, is considerate, or is loyal; that is where you will find the good philautia. Unconditional self acceptance is key. A strong, healthy self esteem will allow you to share that love with others because you will know where it comes from. There is great beauty in it.
if you do not love yourself, what happens?
Loving God, as discussed in the seven days of love: agape, is followed by a love of self. Not having the foundation of these two forms of love makes it so that you can never really love other people. In the Bible, God says to “love your neighbor as you love yourself.” How can you do one without the other?
On the flip side of that, accepting love when you have no self love proves impossible. How can you accept someone’s love for you when you can not even love you?
How do you cultivate philautia?
Building a good form of self love may take time.
- Start by making a list of your positive qualities. Those that you possess inwardly as well as outwardly are equally important. Having a pleasant overall viewpoint of yourself will give you a dignified philautia.
- Take care of yourself. See a doctor when you need to, exercise, eat right, sleep well. Your mind needs to be fed as well so, read, socialize, learn new things, and be open to change for the better.
- Set boundaries for yourself and for others with regards to you. Say “yes” and “no” when you mean them and stick with it.
- Forgive yourself. Not one of us is perfect. We all make mistakes and need to be forgiven not only by others and by God, but by ourselves as well.
- Live intentionally. Do not just exist. We all have a purpose, find yours.
conclusion
The seven days of love: philautia is about knowing who you are and accepting it, embracing it, and cultivating a love for yourself in a healthy way.
further insight
The seven days of love series will be coming out as a seven day coaching session in late May. In it, I will discuss what each type of love is and how to cultivate them in your own life. More information to come soon. Blessings!